We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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