I feel great
I just peed on a car
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize