I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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