I will die if light touches me.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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