After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
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everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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