We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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