i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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