Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
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I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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