Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
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I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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