I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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