So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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