Are we in a gay sports bar?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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