I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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