dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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