His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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