why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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