I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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