And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize