I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
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Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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