youre lurking in front of me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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