we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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