I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
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I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
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I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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