You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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