just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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