Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
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You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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