you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
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Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
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Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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