I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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