Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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