My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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