ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize