my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Congratulations! We have a period
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