You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
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Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
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Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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