Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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