i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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