i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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