It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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