Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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