i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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