this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize