Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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