i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand Curling. That high.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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