Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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