Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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