I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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