do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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