hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize