she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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