This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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