I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize