Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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